December 2011
180 posts
I feel like such a horrible person sometimes when the happiness of others overwhelms me in the cruel form of jealousy and I hurt because I am unable to achieve such a feeling.
it’s simply because things don’t ever work out for me correctly, everything that is good in my life is constantly destroyed, whether it be by my hand or another.
I can’t even see straight right now and I...
I love everyone I love everything
I love nights wandering around town with no particular destination, agreeing with wherever the night decides to take me, wondering if I’ll find a way home by the time the sun rises
moving with the flow of things makes me feel calm
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I flashed my crooked smile and pushed up my sleeves because I was getting warm. You looked down at my thin arms, a solemn look coming across your previously lit up face. You didn’t say a word as you took both of my little hands in one of yours. You delicately traced my wounds with your soft fingertips, lifted my arms to your mouth, and softly pressed your lips to where my hurt had once surfaced....
I really want to bash my fucking skull in
I have to stop staying up late and letting you frustrate me to the point where I can only see red and nothing else matters except for how fucking mad I am
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“and I am joining all my thoughts to...
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I am sitting outside smoking cigarettes and there is no wind and everything is so still and I am thinking about how much you must be hurting and I wish you would share your hurt with me instead of saying everything is fine when it is not. I am here I will always be here and I love you and I’m so sorry that this happened.
lostchemicals asked: i love you perfect child
Anonymous asked: YOU ARE SO GREAT AHHHH BE MY FRIEND
Anonymous asked: whoah you are really awesome
Anonymous asked: you are the best lillie! stop being so sad, you are too pretty and fun to be sad :)
bikiniblood asked: "Don't give up. I was laying in bed one night and I thought ‘I’ll just quit, to hell with it.’ And another little voice inside me said ‘Don’t quit, save that tiny little ember of spark.’ And never give them that spark because as long as you have that spark, you can start the greatest fire again." <3
Anonymous asked: WELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOUWELOVEYOU
I am lying in bed silent when she decides it would be a good idea to throw something at my face because she is angry at me for some reason and when I start crying she screams at me about how I am so unfathomably selfish and “fucking pathetic” and yells at me to get out of the house and to not even think about coming back because I have ruined christmas for her just like I ruin...
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“I never feel better after I cry I spent 6...
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I don’t have anywhere to go and I can’t stay here
and everyone is so fucking superficial and I can’t go out anymore because everyone asks me what’s wrong and then I go home and I cry and I bleed until I can’t anymore because I just can’t hide it any longer and no one really cares about anyone else no matter what they say and I don’t want to care anymore because no one truly cares back and it’s so fucking sad to...
I want to move to the mountains and have a little garden where I can make all of my own food and have goats and cows and chickens and a horse and dogs and cats and birds and they will be my only friends and I will be happy with that and all I will do is lots of hard work because “hard work makes the time go by” and I will get jobs in a little town to make money or maybe I will just...
I can’t feel anything and I haven’t slept in days because I don’t know how to fall asleep without you
I remember when you made me that cd and you didn’t put any of the song names or bands with it because you are a boy and boys don’t think to do things like that and I was so very infatuated with you and so excited that you cared that I looked up every single song and put all of their titles and artists and albums in on my itunes so that I could have a constant reminder, a constant...
so infatuated with my own crimson tears, intricate ballerinas that grow quicker and quicker as they dance down my frail arms to the very tips of my fingers.. where they ever so slightly hesitate to leave, but soon swiftly abandon my skin my as if they were never a part of me at all
she won’t speak to me, unable to find the right words, until hours later she finally breaks down and screams and cries at me that I am killing her slowly and I am toxic to have in this household and I realize that she has witnessed all of the blood and all of the hurt and she tells me she is scared to knock on my locked door because she fears she will not get a response
Anonymous asked: you are going to be ok lillie. sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better
you have ruined everything for good and you have ruined me for good and I have not stopped crying or bleeding in days and I have not slept in days and I have been sicker than I have ever been and my hands won’t stop shaking and all I can think about is dying and how easy it would be and I honestly wish that the entirety of the blame and all of this monumental anger and pain that is left...
my heart is broken and it can not, will not be repaired. I am going to drink and cry and bleed and wonder where everything went wrong for the rest of forever. I give up.
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aaaaaaand things are about to take a turn for the worse! sweet what’s new
THEY WON’T LET ME GO OUTSIDE TO SMOKE IM GOING INTO KILL MODE. also earlier I was making up songs about being a robot cause I look like one right now and the hospital lady came in my room and was like uh what are you doing.. and it was really awkward so now I’m not singing anymore.
I am in the hospital doing a sleep study and I’m bored as SHIT so leave me asks please
Anonymous asked: what makes you sad so often
